HONOURABLY APPALLING

Some decades ago, when Members of Parliament all spoke in their own, affected way, with a sort of resonant boom, they made the term ‘appalled’ their own – it now fits so well with their routine comforter: ‘HONOURABLE’.

Among the many recent suggestions of how to move Parliament forward, the eschewal of ‘honourable’ has been mooted, but to my mind, nothing short of replacing it with the prefix ‘dishonourable’, will suffice. I have good reason.

Having stood as the SPOIL PARTY GAMES candidate in May 2005, I resolved, this year, to simply function as agent provocateur in an attempt to awaken the voters to their true plight. I never thought that, by the end of the campaign, the Conservatives would have DELIVERED TO MY DOOR, the proof of their totally relaxed attitude to corruption.

On May 5th, the eve of polling, I received two communications, delivered simultaneously. One was complaining about the lies of the LibDem camp, and the other was offering a Tory lie – presumable of a better class! It read, in heavy capitals: “THE CONSERVATIVES MUST WIN HERE TO STOP ANOTHER 5 YEARS OF GORDON BROWN”.

Well – hindsight is a wonderful thing, but even looked at before the event, this declaration walked and quacked like a lie, to me. And I am unable to find anyone who will support it as embodying any intrinsic truth – even my MP, who distributed it (he is just silent).

So I have set myself the task of discovering just how deep rooted in ‘electoral ethics’, the ‘political lie’ is. None of the agencies concerned with standards – from IPSA all the way to the Advertising Standards Authority, wants anything to do with truth – well, not when absent upon a politicians lips. The only truly tangible suggestion was from the local Returning Officer who effectively said: “Complain to the Police – if you’re hard enough’. Should it really come to this?

I am calling on all my ingenuity to have this lie nailed – preferably to the CV of the ‘honourable member’ who approved it. Weep Britain.